The best wake up call...

This morning I woke up to find H in bed beside me It would seem that my darling two year old, who has just gone into a "big boy" bed, found his way out of his bed last night and into mine - all without waking me up. I know this is a habit I need to work hard to discourage, but I have to say that waking up to find the most gorgeous blonde boy in the world cuddled up to me eased a lot of the loneliness I have been feeling lately.

Suffice to say, my day started well.

As the day deteriorated rapidly I tried hard to remember the feeling of waking up to see H, right now I'm struggling.

In 48 hours I will be in hospital recovering from an operation, the second operation to fix a problem the bloody hospital caused in the first place - I am scared. I am scared about the pain, I am scared about the recovery, I am scared that the things I have worked so hard for over recent months will dwindle whilst I am recovering and I am scared about how I will cope with a two year old following the operation.

It is times like this when I think that my life would be easier if I hadn't decided that separating from H's dad was the right thing to do.

On the plus side, my house is, and remains constantly, clean and tidy because I don't have to live with a lazy slob of a man.