Recovering in more ways than one...

I did mention that I have a lot to say today.

I was just re-reading my last post before my sabbatical, the one about recovery. Having re-read it I have come to the conclusion that it wasn't really about recovering from my operation at all, I think what it actually turned out to be about was recovering from my feelings.

So perhaps a more apt title would have been confused?

Right, firstly I should mention that there are a number of men in my life at the moment, three to be precise that are currently "love" (and I use the term lightly) interests.

I'd like to tell you about them if I may, perhaps by doing this I will unscramble my very messed up mind and make some actual decisions as well as conduct some very real "moving on".

2. The sensible choice

My age, a single dad to a 5 year old daughter and a generally all round good guy. He has taken me out a few times, he is quite the gentleman, waited until the 4th date to kiss me, bought me flowers when I was recovering from the op and essentially behaves how a man should behave. He clearly fancies the pants off of me, pays me constant compliments, contacts me every day without fail and I am confident would happily walk into a future with me. For me, there is just no chemistry. I am enjoying the attention, the dating, but when I see him I do not want to kiss him more than anything else in the world.

3. The new guy

A friend, someone I have sort of known for quite a few years now, but have never been particularly close to. He asked me out 4 years ago when I first started seeing H's father and I said no. He then asked me out again last week when he found out I was single again. I said yes. We went on a date this week and had a really fun time, to the point of missing the film we were supposed to be going to see because we were talking so much in the pub. He's a genuine and nice guy, absolutely and 100%. He makes me laugh, he's very intelligent and I know would be lovely to me. The last thing I want is to mess him around, he deserves someone completely fantastic and lovely, but I don't know if that person could/would be me, mainly because I don't know if there is any real physical attraction on my part. I know that sounds shallow but it is necessary, regardless of what people say. I'd really like to see how things go with this guy, but from what I know of him he jumps in with both feet and falls quickly for girls...I don't want that to happen with me, because I wouldn't want to hurt him. However, I can't help but smile every time I receive a text from him...

I actually think that the honest answer to my ramblings is that none of these men are the one that I am supposed to be with, but the one with the best shot is guy number 3 and I should give him the chance. Be honest with him from the outset, tell him how it is and if it doesn't go anywhere then I have done nothing wrong and if it does, all the better.

As for guy number 2, the jury is still out, maybe the chemistry will build, maybe it won't. Do I keep it going or call it a day now?

On the plus side, yesterday, today and tomorrow, I have a date every night, each with a different guy - I told ya I was having fun whilst looking for the one!