Pain

A friend read me this quote and I told her to blog about it. I'm returning the favour:

We still haven't learned, though, that growing up is all about getting hurt. And then getting over it. You hurt. You recover. You move on. Odds are pretty good that you are just going to get hurt again. But each time, you learn something.
Each time, you come out of it a little stronger, and at some point you realise there are more flavours of pain than coffee. There's the little empty pain of leaving something behind - graduating, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar and safe into the unknown. There's the big, whirling pain of life up ending all of your plans and expectations. There are the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn't give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn. There's the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.
And if you're very ,very lucky, there are a few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realise that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time can't possibly last - and yet will remain with you for life.
Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it.
Pain is part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but either way, it's a part of the puzzle, the deep music, and the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you are alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way pain, leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve in one degree or another."

"There's the little empty pain of leaving something behind - graduating, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar and safe into the unknown" - About 7 months ago I told H's Dad he had to leave. I decided that I needed to not be with him anymore. I decided that I needed to be single. That was a huge step into the unknown for me, not having been single for 8 years prior to this point. Occasionally this leaves me with empty pain, mainly for H rather than for me. Mainly because things with H are harder now than I ever imagined. It's difficult to know if what I am doing is in his best interests which in turn, makes me question my ability as a mother almost daily.

"There's the big, whirling pain of life up ending all of your plans and expectations", on the two occasions I have fallen pregnant life has up ended all of my plans and expectations. The second time did not cause pain, actually that's a lie, it caused huge amounts of physical pain that I doubt I will ever forget but the emotional impact has only really been positive. The pain caused by the first experience is something that I still cannot write about without crying and considering I'm feeling good tonight I am not going to write about it!

"There are the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn't give you what you thought they would". Failure is something I am bad at. I worry every day that I am failing as a mother but that is not sharp little pain, that is terribly frightening hollow pain. The sharp little pains of failure would be making a mistake at work, not getting a job I applied for etc. Obscure aches of successes - I find this harder to notice because I am terribly good at making the best of all situations, or burying my head in the sand!

"There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up." Having someone you love choose someone else over you. Enough said.

"The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn." H. He is my rock, the one person in my life I love above all others and the one who I take the most joy in. Watching him grow, develop, change and challenge himself and me makes my heart burst with pride every single day.

"There's the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens." My friends. I have two who I would like to think I can empathise with. One because I have been through what she is going through and come out the other side. And one because she is one of the strongest ladies I have ever had the good fortune to know.

"And if you're very ,very lucky, there are a few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realise that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time can't possibly last - and yet will remain with you for life." Australia. Arriving in Byron Bay and living on Magnetic Island. Byron in particular felt like a moment of complete perfection for me. It felt like I belonged somewhere. That was, beyond doubt, one of the happiest times of my life.

On the plus side, right now I do not feel pain, of any description, I do however, feel content.