Regret...

A friend asked me for a blog topic recently and I suggested "Regret". I don't know why, it popped into my head and seemed a good idea. Regret is a topic that I find interesting and I try to live to the theory that I should only regret the things that I have done and never the things that I haven't.

I'm not there yet, but I'm trying.

I try very hard to deny any regret that I may feel, it is such a pointless emotion given that I have yet to discover the secret of turning back the clock and changing the outcome of events, but do I have regrets - of course I do.

1. I regret dropping out of college and not going to university. The circumstances under which this decision came about is for another post and I won't go into them here, but suffice to say that I will never get the opportunity to go back to a point in my life where I could change this situation so I regret the decision that I made, even though it was necessary at the time.
2. I regret leaving the company I currently work for, I went back and it's fabulous, but I should never have walked away from them first time round.
3. I regret the circumstances under which I walked away from my marriage - the man I was married to was, and still is a great man, I shouldn't have done to him what I did.
4. I regret the circumstances under which I walked away from my last relationship - ditto to the reasoning above.
5. I regret leaving Australia before my years visa came to an end because I was homesick. Home was still there when I got back and is still there now, I will never have the opportunity to have that year again.

These are my only real regrets, but let me tell you why, despite regretting them in essence, I actually don't feel remorse for them. Every single one of these decisions has led me to the place I am in my life right now, and that is a good place.

1. Had I have finished college and gone to university the chances are my career would have taken an entirely different path and I love my career.
2. Had I not have left my current company and then returned, I would not have the experience under my belt that I have now and I probably wouldn't be as good at my job as I currently am. Not to mention that I wouldn't have taken the company I left them for to tribunal for unfair dismissal and gotten a nice big cheque from them!
3. Had I not left my husband I wouldn't have my son.
4. Had the circumstances not been as they were I would probably still be with my ex. I needed the catalyst that I had in order to get the courage to leave.
5. Had I stayed in Australia I wouldn't have ended up marrying my ex husband, I probably would have gotten over him completely. Had I not married my ex husband I probably wouldn't have left him to be with my ex-partner and therefore would not have my son.

Regret - it is futile, not just because you can't go back, but actually because every decision you make leads you to the place you are in and the person you become.

My only real regret? Starting smoking again.

On the plus side, I can always quit that nasty habit....again!