Trust...

- Noun

1.reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2.confident expectation of something; hope.
3.a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.
4.the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.

I consider myself to be a trustworthy person. In my personal life, I gossip with my friends as much as the next person, but if a friend or family member comes to me with something confidential they can rest assured that it will not go any further. In my work life I need to be able to trust my team and those around me, they need to be able to trust me in return - I know they can, but with a new team the challenge is earning that trust, and it goes both ways.

I find two of the words from the dictionary definition of trust to be very interesting, two words that I wouldn't have automatically assumed would relate to trust: Confidence and Hope.

Thinking about it, now I have seem them there, they actually fit very well, to trust a person, event or idea is to have confidence in it or them and trust, by its very nature, breeds hope.

Trust, it is the cornerstone of any relationship, romantic or otherwise, and when in a trusting relationship you naturally hope. If it is a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover or spouse you hope that you will remain together and in love, if it is a friend you hope that the friendship will continue to blossom and if it is a family member you hope to keep them close to you.

Trust is something I am lacking a lot of recently, there are people in my life that I trust, but it is not implicit. To steal the words of a friend of mine it comes with provisos and caveats. I have colleagues that I will speak to, colleagues that I trust, but they are certain, select, colleagues and I only trust them with limited information. I have many friends, 3 best friends, a number of friends/acquaintances and 1 very new friendship that I hope continues to develop, but the trust I have with all of them is again very different. I am lucky that my 3 best friends I can trust with anything and everything in my life, the trust I have with them does not come with provisos and caveats, at least not for the most part. As for the rest of them, they don't know me enough, and vice versa, for that trust to be part of our relationship yet.

And as for men, I fear that my trust in the opposite sex has disappeared for good now. It has been lacking for many, many years. A number of bad experiences, two from a long time ago, both very different, and one very recently but equally as bad, not to mention all of the ones inbetween has left me somewhat wanting in the trust stakes.

Things took a turn for the "intimate" with J this evening, I am not one to kiss and tell so I won't go into the details - at least not tonight; I am too tired - but there was a definite shift between us after the act. Unfortunately it certainly didn't feel like a shift for the better. Perhaps I am imagining it, perhaps I even caused/instigated it, I don't know, but I do know that I am home, alone at ten thirty in the evening after having taken things to a level I don't normally take them to unless I care very much about someone. Of course, it is possible that I am blowing things up way out of proportion. Who knows - not me, that's for sure. Men = Mars, Women = Venus: Right?

On the plus side, I haven't had to shell out a fiver for some more batteries just yet...!