This time baby I'll be bullet proof...

I've come to the conclusion that I will not let myself be hurt again, by anyone. It's time to put my defences back up and re-build the walls that I used to hide so effectively behind.

I will be strong again. No more "mushy" stuff in my life. All it did was open me up to feeling too much.

During the 7 hours that I have spent in my car today I have listened to a lot of music. You'd be forgiven for thinking that I picked either angry chick music or soppy love songs. I picked neither, I just randomly flicked through my iPod and found some release in lyrics that have inspired me.

"Been there, done that, messed around
I'm having fun, don't put me down
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet
I won't let you in again...
...this time baby I'll be bulletproof"

"Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God, he hears you
And pray to God, he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life"

"So now you pour your heart out
You're telling me you're far out
You're not about to lie down for your cause
But you don't pull my strings
'Cos I'm a better man
Moving on to better things"

"Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter"

"And I'm a little bit lost without you
This aint a love song this is goodbye"

I am going to get past this, put the thought of anything good coming out of this situation far from my mind and I am saying right now, that I will not do this to myself again.

On the plus side, on Sunday I will introduce you to Guy Number 4.