Photos...

Until recently I have always claimed that I am not a "photo person". Before my son was born I didn't even own a camera and only purchased one because H's Dad insisted on it.

I never had any photographs in my house until very recently, for various reasons:

1. I used to think they cluttered the place up and all you had to do was move them to dust.
2. There were never any photos of things that I love
3. I hated photos of myself
4. H's Dad didn't like photos of my friends being up in the house (God only knows why!)

Recently I have become more photo orientated, I still don't own a camera (the one I bought when H was born went with his Dad when he left) other than the one on my phone - I need to rectify this.

I went a little bit nuts buying new photo frames over the last few days, I realised that there are so many people in my life that I love that I want that represented in my home, I want my house to feel like a home and in order to do so, it should reflect my life.

Therefore I have re-visited how I feel about photos:

1. Yes, photos need moving in order to dust, but so what?
2. There are so many things in my life that I love, and I have captured them on film in the past.
3. So, I might not be the most photogenic person in the world, again, so what?
4. H's Dad isn't in the picture anymore, now my friends are all over my house!

I'd like to share with you some of my photos (and some are photos of photos so the quality is poor, I apologise). More than this though, I'd like to share some of the stories behind the photos because they are reflective of great times, times that make me, me!



This is my gorgeous boy, H. He was poorly at the time so I was off work looking after him. He flaked out on the sofa, which he never does, and I couldn't help taking this shot of him looking so lovely and peaceful.



H again, at Halloween...!



My lovely family: My niece and sister, H, me and my Mum. This was taken at Christmas - it was a rough day as it was just after I separated from H's Dad, but what that Christmas made me realise was how important my family are to me. Being with H's Dad I put too much distance in my relationship with my family, I have that back now and I wouldn't change it for the world, my sister, above all else is one of my best friends. Isn't she stunning!!



Me and two of my best friends, Jo and Carly. I've known these two ladies for in excess of twenty years and they have been through the best and the worst with me. I wouldn't change either of them or our friendships for the world.



The Poodle! I love this photo, it was taken by a photographer friend of mine, she captured him perfectly.



The most recent photo taken of me, this was at a party I went to a couple of weeks ago. I hadn't seen most of the guests for the best part of 5 years and it was fantastic to catch up with some old, good, friends.



And finally, this is a picture frame I bought recently, it has a little bit of everyone in it. From top left: My sister's wedding day, I flew back from Oz to be her bridesmail. H, a professional photo that my childminder arranged. Me, my friend K and a guy we met in Oz - this was taken on Magnetic Island (Queensland), this was my favourite place in Oz, somewhere I subsequently returned to for 3 months to teach diving. My nephew, Aaron. Me as a bridesmaid for K. My niece, Alice. Same place in Oz but with Joe, an Irish guy I saw over there for a few months - he was delicious! Me as a baby, on our farm, with my pet cow! Again, my sister's wedding day - my Sis, her Hubby and their two lovely children.

That's my life in photos; most of the people in my life that I love. I have about twenty more to be framed but am rapidly running out of space - I also have some new people in my life that need to be added to my growing collections of pictures!

On the plus side, at least I have an excuse to shop some more!

Body Image...

This post comes about following a post of the same title from one of my friends, it inspired me to write about my own self image and to re-think some of the views I have of myself...

Body image is a term used to refer to a person's perception of his or her own physical appearance.

As 20-somethings (to be fair, whatever our age) we are bombarded with images in the media of "perfect" beauty. Tall, lithe women with perfect skin, straight white teeth, the flattest of stomachs, no hint of cellulite and small, pert breasts.
Tall, muscled men, broad shouldered with a washboard stomach and a clearly defined six-pack...both will naturally have a "healthy" tanned glow and clear, sparkling eyes.

So what happens when the reality of your body image doesn't match up to what we see, day in and day out, in the media. As a woman it is easy to become consumed with wanting to look like the celebrities and models that are so quickly airbrushed to perfection, it becomes natural to believe that this is what a man wants you to look like and it becomes all too simple to doubt your own beauty when faced with these images.

I do. Every morning I put myself on the scales to see if I have lost another pound. I stand in front of the mirror and hold in my stomach to see if my curves have diminished ever so slightly and I spend time carefully applying my make-up so I look like I have a "natural" glow! Now is the time to stop. I will continue with my healthy eating kick that I have been on of late, but because it makes me FEEL good. I don't have to resemble the images we see in the media to LOOK good.

I am, by no means, perfect. I have, in the past, when considering what "work" I would have done if I could afford plastic surgery, found something about every part of my body I would change. This is terrible. My body is amazing, and to steal the words of my friend, it is the only one I will ever have. Instead of wanting to change it, I should rejoice in it, take care of it and learn to love the wobbly bits.

This is me: Learning to love the wobbly bits:

I have nice hair, naturally I have bad hair days, but generally, I have nice hair.

I have pretty eyes, granted they look better with a bit of mascara, but they are a great shade of blue and one of the nicest compliments I have received were about my eyes. "I look into your eyes and they tell me everything I need to know. I can see you. They are full of expression".

I have full lips, many people would kill for lovely full lips.

My teeth aren't perfect, one is slightly crooked but I have been told I am beautiful when I smile.

My breasts are bigger than I would like them to be, but you know what, apparently that's a good thing!

I have a tummy, it's not toned, it's not flat and it has stretch marks. So what? It tells the world I have a son - the very best thing in my life. I grew a child inside of my body, I nurtured him and gave him life and I gave birth to him and now he is a thriving two year old. Stretch marks and a wobbly tummy seem like a small price to pay to have someone quite as cool as H love me unconditionally.

My bottom: I LOVE it, it's pert, it's round and I grew it myself - Lol!

I have long legs - frustratingly long sometimes. With heels I need a 34" inside leg on trousers which is not stocked in all shops... the thighs are a little bigger than I'd perhaps like and the ankles a little less shapely, but still, at least the length tends to make them look good.

My body, my phsyical appearance, it's not perfect, not by a long way, but wouldn't the world be boring if we all looked identical and all looked perfect?

Surely it's our imperfections that make us interesting, stand us apart from others around us?

Nicole Kidman - she never has a tan. Her skin is incredibly pale and this just adds to her beauty.
Julia Roberts - has a beauty spot, this is considered an imperfection but in fact adds to the interest in her face and makes her even more stunning.
Madonna - has a gap in her front teeth. She isn't afraid to hide her smile and despite being worth millions has never endeavoured to change this. Her smile and slightly less than perfect teeth add character to her face.
SJP - she has a nose slightly to large for her face, it is different - she wouldn't look like "Carrie" if she had a "perfect" face.

I have imperfections and it's time to start loving them. I've been through two major operations in the last year to correct a physical imperfection that none but those closest to me will ever see. Have I done this out of vanity? Partially, yes, I guess I have. It was borne out of necessity, make no mistake, but part of the driving force to put myself through the operation for a second time was vanity, but that's ok. It built my self confidence up again, and I needed that. If I need to look good to feel good about myself, that is ok. But I shouldn't feel bad about myself because I look a bit rough one day or when I stand on the scales I've put a pound on instead of taken one off.

I need to build my self-worth, my self-esteem and this is the starting point. This is me, loving the wobbly bits, learning to love me not inspite of the wobbly bits, but because of the wobbly bits. I challenge you all to do the same.

On the plus side, the healthy eating means the tummy is getting a little less wobbly, it makes it easier to love!

On the advice of a good friend...

I'm here to have a rant!

My faith in people has been shaken, really shaken, and I don't like that. I believe in the best in people, I'm wildly optimistic that good things will happen because I am a good person, and yet time and time again, I get treated like shit. People are crap. End of story.

I mentioned in a previous post about J and how we took things to a more intimate level - since that point he has essentially just ignored me.

I called him on it tonight, he got all defensive and said that he was going through some stuff and he couldn't "deal with all of this right now" - so I asked him why the hell he bothered sleeping with me, seems a bit shit right?? No reasonable explanation was forthcoming.

I'd finally started giving this guy a chance, actually allowing him to get to know me, and that is how I am rewarded.

It's official - I am completely over men. I mean it, no more. I will not continue to waste my time with time wasters. I'm am now resolutely single.

On the plus side, maybe it would be easier if I just turned gay!!!!

Regret...

A friend asked me for a blog topic recently and I suggested "Regret". I don't know why, it popped into my head and seemed a good idea. Regret is a topic that I find interesting and I try to live to the theory that I should only regret the things that I have done and never the things that I haven't.

I'm not there yet, but I'm trying.

I try very hard to deny any regret that I may feel, it is such a pointless emotion given that I have yet to discover the secret of turning back the clock and changing the outcome of events, but do I have regrets - of course I do.

1. I regret dropping out of college and not going to university. The circumstances under which this decision came about is for another post and I won't go into them here, but suffice to say that I will never get the opportunity to go back to a point in my life where I could change this situation so I regret the decision that I made, even though it was necessary at the time.
2. I regret leaving the company I currently work for, I went back and it's fabulous, but I should never have walked away from them first time round.
3. I regret the circumstances under which I walked away from my marriage - the man I was married to was, and still is a great man, I shouldn't have done to him what I did.
4. I regret the circumstances under which I walked away from my last relationship - ditto to the reasoning above.
5. I regret leaving Australia before my years visa came to an end because I was homesick. Home was still there when I got back and is still there now, I will never have the opportunity to have that year again.

These are my only real regrets, but let me tell you why, despite regretting them in essence, I actually don't feel remorse for them. Every single one of these decisions has led me to the place I am in my life right now, and that is a good place.

1. Had I have finished college and gone to university the chances are my career would have taken an entirely different path and I love my career.
2. Had I not have left my current company and then returned, I would not have the experience under my belt that I have now and I probably wouldn't be as good at my job as I currently am. Not to mention that I wouldn't have taken the company I left them for to tribunal for unfair dismissal and gotten a nice big cheque from them!
3. Had I not left my husband I wouldn't have my son.
4. Had the circumstances not been as they were I would probably still be with my ex. I needed the catalyst that I had in order to get the courage to leave.
5. Had I stayed in Australia I wouldn't have ended up marrying my ex husband, I probably would have gotten over him completely. Had I not married my ex husband I probably wouldn't have left him to be with my ex-partner and therefore would not have my son.

Regret - it is futile, not just because you can't go back, but actually because every decision you make leads you to the place you are in and the person you become.

My only real regret? Starting smoking again.

On the plus side, I can always quit that nasty habit....again!

A conversation with someone who is rapidly becoming a very good friend...

Tonight I have had a very open and honest conversation with a woman who is quickly becoming a very good friend. I don't know what made me tell her all that I did, why I picked her when no one else in my life has ever been told this, or why that conversation took place over msn, but it happened, and it made me realise that what I had said was true - sometimes the tears are cathartic.

The transcript of the conversation is below: Please don't judge me.

She says:
You’ve been in an abusive relationship?

I say:
Of sorts

She says:
?

I say:
Two really
One similar but not nearly as severe as the one you have just described and one very different but still what could be termed as abusive

She says:
Did you get past them?

I say:
The first, yes, very much so, the second, no - even 12 years later that still holds a lot of regrets for me and is one of the two very distinct reasons that I do not trust men
And also a lot of the reason that I do not/did not open up to people
I don't have an issue talking about it, should you want/have any interest at all in hearing it, but I would warn you to think carefully before you answer, it could very well change your opinion of me

She says:
Tell me... please... if it's not too hard.

I say:
Well, to be fair, the story doesn't really relate to the "relationship"
And I put relationship in inverted commas because I was 17 and it really wasn't a relationship
He was older, a friend of a friend
For some bizarre reason I fell head over heels for him, totally and ridiculously besotted
Despite the fact that in hindsight, it was patently obvious he had a serious girlfriend and I was just a young piece of fun
He treated me like crap, absolute and utter rubbish
But the shortened version of events - actually it's not even a shortened version of events, it's essentially all I remember, and I think it was a time in my life that I have subsequently blocked out
Was that through sheer stupidity on my part, I found myself pregnant, I was in college, doing my A levels and my period was late, I took a test and it returned positive
I was living with my dad at the time, my mum and I weren't getting on and she had essentially kicked me out and told me to go and live with my father
I told my Mum and naturally she told me I had to "take care" of it
I told my sister and she was fabulous - one of the many reasons she is one of my best friends
And I told two friends, they were the only people in my life that knew
My Mum, she told my Dad what was going on
And she told him that I would be "taking care" of it
My step mother, when she found out, was drunk (she had and probably still has, for all I know and care) a serious drinking problem
She proceeded to get a carving knife from the kitchen drawer, threaten me with it whilst calling me a horrible little slut
My dad stood and watched
I left the next day
Went to my mum's, who naturally took me back
I then told the guy, who proceeded to tell me that he wanted nothing more to do with me and if I didn't get rid of it he would throw me down a flight of stairs - nice guy it turned out!
For some stupid reason I thought this guy might actually be pleased (ah the innocence and stupidity of youth) I thought that we would be together blah blah blah
Well anyway
After all of this happened, and lots in between, I'm sure
I saw the doctor, got a referral to hospital and when I was about 11 weeks gone I had an abortion

She says:
“ ”

I say:
The hospital were awful
They stuck me in a side room; the nurses were judgemental and cruel to me
I was in overnight
My sister stayed with me the whole time
And the day afterwards, I was a wreck, complete and utter
A nurse came into me and told me, "right, you need to have the contraceptive injection before we let you go home, we don't want you getting in any more situations like this do we"
Like I did that all the time
I then went through what was probably the hardest 6 months of my life, I spiralled into what I can see in hindsight, was probably a depression of sorts
I dropped out of college (this is the true reason I quit my A levels - not the bullshit reason I feed to most people)
Threw away my future plans which were to go to Uni and qualify to become a solicitor
And essentially ended up with nothing particularly good in my life
The two friends I told judged me, both are still two of my best friends to this day, but both said and still say to this day, that they do not agree with abortion and would never do it
They add the normal "but it was the right thing for you comment"
But it still feels like a very personal dig
In fact, one of them said something just this week that had me leave their house, get in my car, and end up in tears
Not because she meant to, not because she thinks less of me for it, this I know when I think about it logically, but it still affects me because it's something I have never forgiven myself for
I still remember the date it happened, the scan I had, the date the baby would have been born
Now don't get me wrong, I do not regret my decision, it was the right thing for me and to take the other path would have been madness
But it doesn't make it easy to deal with
So, that happened and then a few years later I found out that I had the first stages of cervical cancer and severe endometriosis
At that point I was told I had a less than 25% chance of ever conceiving a child and if I did I would never carry a pregnancy to term (because they had to remove quite a lot of my cervix)
I then went very downhill again; it felt like a punishment for what I had done when I was 17
So, Henry, he's my little miracle
And that's it.
As I say, there was another one, similar to what you described but far less severe
But it was that, that and a lot of the history with my dad, which causes the issues I have

She says:
You are amazing

I say:
No, I'm not, I was a stupid, young girl
But I'll never forgive him, or myself. It's taken me 11 years to get my faith back in people, to believe the best in people again and to learn to open up again

She says:
Yeah, you are. And even as a young girl, I don't imagine you were stupid. We all at one point or another get ourselves into situations we regret. It's what happens next that matters

I say:
And I was stupid, because I should have known that he was just having a bit of fun
But thanks to him I have never, ever trusted anyone properly that I've been with since


On the plus side, talking about it, for the first time in more years than I care to remember helped.

Trust...

- Noun

1.reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2.confident expectation of something; hope.
3.a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.
4.the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.

I consider myself to be a trustworthy person. In my personal life, I gossip with my friends as much as the next person, but if a friend or family member comes to me with something confidential they can rest assured that it will not go any further. In my work life I need to be able to trust my team and those around me, they need to be able to trust me in return - I know they can, but with a new team the challenge is earning that trust, and it goes both ways.

I find two of the words from the dictionary definition of trust to be very interesting, two words that I wouldn't have automatically assumed would relate to trust: Confidence and Hope.

Thinking about it, now I have seem them there, they actually fit very well, to trust a person, event or idea is to have confidence in it or them and trust, by its very nature, breeds hope.

Trust, it is the cornerstone of any relationship, romantic or otherwise, and when in a trusting relationship you naturally hope. If it is a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover or spouse you hope that you will remain together and in love, if it is a friend you hope that the friendship will continue to blossom and if it is a family member you hope to keep them close to you.

Trust is something I am lacking a lot of recently, there are people in my life that I trust, but it is not implicit. To steal the words of a friend of mine it comes with provisos and caveats. I have colleagues that I will speak to, colleagues that I trust, but they are certain, select, colleagues and I only trust them with limited information. I have many friends, 3 best friends, a number of friends/acquaintances and 1 very new friendship that I hope continues to develop, but the trust I have with all of them is again very different. I am lucky that my 3 best friends I can trust with anything and everything in my life, the trust I have with them does not come with provisos and caveats, at least not for the most part. As for the rest of them, they don't know me enough, and vice versa, for that trust to be part of our relationship yet.

And as for men, I fear that my trust in the opposite sex has disappeared for good now. It has been lacking for many, many years. A number of bad experiences, two from a long time ago, both very different, and one very recently but equally as bad, not to mention all of the ones inbetween has left me somewhat wanting in the trust stakes.

Things took a turn for the "intimate" with J this evening, I am not one to kiss and tell so I won't go into the details - at least not tonight; I am too tired - but there was a definite shift between us after the act. Unfortunately it certainly didn't feel like a shift for the better. Perhaps I am imagining it, perhaps I even caused/instigated it, I don't know, but I do know that I am home, alone at ten thirty in the evening after having taken things to a level I don't normally take them to unless I care very much about someone. Of course, it is possible that I am blowing things up way out of proportion. Who knows - not me, that's for sure. Men = Mars, Women = Venus: Right?

On the plus side, I haven't had to shell out a fiver for some more batteries just yet...!

A fabulous day...

I had to post because I have had just the most fantastic day today.

Why, I hear you cry, has my day been so fantastic? Well firstly, work is amazing, I'm loving what I am doing so much! Secondly, I heard today that I got accepted to our Leadership Academy at work, it's basically a senior manager development programme, the criteria is really tough, you have to have been a line manager in the business for two years, be a top performing line manager to boot and in additon to all of that there are only 9 spaces in the entire company (there are over 150 managers in our business) and I GOT ON!!!!!!! This is my stepping stone to becoming a Regional Director!!!!

And finally, I feel as though I am (at last) over Guy Number 1. This is a big deal to me, I've been hung up on this guy for the best part of 7 months now and I actually feel as though I am finally moving on. It took a lot, months of being messed around and lied to. Now I feel like I've moved on I actually feel as though I can be his friend again, which is nice, because above all else, I've missed his friendship.

This leaves the door well and truly open for Guy Number 2, from now on I'm going to refer to him as J - yes my friends, he has earnt himself an initial in my blog!! I'm still firmly of the opinion that I am not looking for, and do not want, a serious boyfriend - but what this guy has is real potential. My main concern now? My inability to take things further with J might have have really screwed things over. This being the case, I have come to the conclusion that I am going to invite him for a "sleepover"...!!

How have I come to this conclusion? Well I finally feel ready to take that step with him for a start and I also feel strongly that it will mean something now. To me that's important, I am not going to de-value myself by having meaningless sex, I am worth more than that. The problem? I now realise that part of the reason I have been avoiding taking this step is my hang-ups around my body image. Typing that on a previous post has made me realise that this was more true that I knew.

Let's get this straight, I am not hideous. I'm a confident, attractive woman, this much I know. But I have a few more curves than I really want. I'm not "large" (not that there is anything wrong with large.) I'm relatively average in the grand scheme of things, but having had a child my abs are not what they used to be and this is where my hang up lies. Firmly and completely around my stomach. I'm dealing with this though. I have been dieting and doing it well, I've lost well over a stone now which is fantastic, only 4lbs to go to get back to pre-pregnancy weight. Oh, and I'm back in the gym - another reason for my supremely awesome day. It was my first session back, post-op, and I feel fabulous. I worked my socks off and feel good about it!

So, the question that I pose to you, if any of you are reading this, is how on earth do I now invite this gorgeous man to spend the night with me?

And for the record, I need to do it quickly...it's been months since I last had sex and I've run out of batteries!!!!

On the plus side, I just nipped to Tesco and got myself a jumbo box of double A's!!

Work...

So I got the job that I mentioned in a previous post.

Firstly, I was suprememly sad to tell my team that I would be leaving them, albeit temporarily. I have come to know and love each member of my team over the year that I have had them and I know I will be missed as I will miss them.

Secondly, I am finding it very difficult to let go. I know this will be frustrating for my replacement but what he needs to understand is that this team and the work they have done is my baby. I have worked very hard to get them to achieve all that they have and the progress they have made is very much down to the leadership that I have given them. Of course I'm going to struggle to let go. Not only do I not want the work that I have to go downhill (which I know it won't) but also, I have a vested interest in that team and their happiness, success and progress.

Finally, I LOVE my new job - it's proving to be the challenge I really need to get my teeth into. My new team are FANTASTIC and I have every confidence with some stability and leadership they will prove to be the best performing team we have!!

On the plus side, I should get to return to my original team in 3 months time. On the negative side, I will have to, at some point, leave my new team and I have a feeling that is going to be equally sad for me.

Time...

I went on another date this evening with Guy Number 2.

It's fair to say that my opinion of him is improving constantly, he's a really great guy, fun, funny and very good looking...not just "nice" after all. He teases me, winds me up, has fun with me..these are all important things for me.

I left his house late this evening, with the usual goodnight kiss etc - but as usual that was as far as it went. We have been seeing each other since early - mid March, so around 6 weeks I guess, although it feels like longer. I feel like we should have done more than exchange the odd kiss?

As I left his house tonight, I couldn't help but wonder: How long is too long to wait?

I feel almost as though we might be missing our window, that before long we will hit the friends category, firmly and absolutely friends and I'm sure that's not what I want. Why is it that I don't feel like I can take things any further at this point in time? I've never had a problem in the past moving things firmly past the friends category.

Is it that I am just too screwed up over my own self image? Or is it that I'm still just screwed up over another guy? And why is he not pushing for more?

We haven't had the "chat", you know the one where you decide what you are doing, if you are seeing each other, if it's exclusive, etc etc and for me, I guess it's just that I don't want to just have sex with a guy. I want it to mean something. I think because I have been hurt recently by a guy who was simply after a bit of fun, a good time before he settled down with his long-term girlfriend etc, I really want to know this time that I am not making a mistake.

Sex is a big deal to me, I don't enter into it lightly and I usually have to care about someone before I will walk down that path with them. It's fair to say that hasn't always been my mindset, I've done the casual sex thing in the past, usually with a crappy outcome, I've done it a fair bit and I don't want to do that anymore. Besides, sex always complicates things doesn't it?

What I like about this thing with Guy Number 2 is that we're just both really chilled out and relaxed about it, there's no need to label it, no need to pick an option with regards to what we want to do, we're both just seeing how it goes, without saying that we'll just see how it goes. That makes a refreshing change.

On the plus side, damn it was a good goodnight kiss.

Temptation...

I've always said that I don't date guys that have girlfriends, my morals are being sorely tempted this weekend though.

Someone from my past has been in touch, someone, it is safe to say, that I have always had a soft spot for. I've known him for years, and he is absolutely and completely gorgeous - he's one of those people you look at and think "yep, I'm batting out of my league here"!!!! He was without doubt, the high school "hunk" - think Freddie Prinz Jnr in She's All That - he was that guy for my secondary school -all the guys wanted to be him and all the girls wanted him! Having said that, school was 13 years ago now.

We used to have a bit of a casual thing going on a long time ago, nothing major, we'd see each other out most Friday and Saturday nights and always end up spending the evening and night together, that was about the extent of it though. Just fun, no strings attached fun.

He's been in touch again on Facebook - I swear Facebook is the new match.com, the amount of people that have been interested since announcing my single status is quite astonishing!!! God only knows why!! Anyway, he wants, actually god knows what he wants, since he has a long term girlfriend, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't approve!

Like I say, it's testing my morals, but I've told him I don't see guys that have girlfriends.

It's a tough call though, I really and genuinely don't see guys that have girlfriends, it's a recipe for disaster - as proved by my life back in December last year! And I don't have casual sex, I used to when I was younger and life was simpler, but I don't anymore.

On the plus side, he said in that case I should pop over just for a catch up, that it would be good to catch up with each other again.

Apologies...

"In our darkest moments we all need someone who will listen. Some turn to friendly professionals, a few rely on those who are older and wiser, others seek out someone who knows what they're going through, but for most of us, nothing is quite so therapeutic as a good long talk with a few old friends"

I've hurt one of my friends. The friend hurt me first but I did something that I try my hardest not to do, I lashed out and retaliated. I thought that doing so would make me feel better, take away my hurt, I was wrong.

And I'm sorry.

On the plus side, to err is human, forgive divine.